


Death Of A Bachelor

by Insomnia_Productions



Series: The Rat Revolution (Mat/Rand Drabbles) [5]
Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: 3+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternative Title: Matrim!! On Ice, I came so close to calling it that you have no idea, I wrote this instead of my college essay, Ice Skating, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, Mat Cauthon Is A Disaster, Mat Cauthon Is Bad At Feelings, Mat ice skates in this, Perrin is smarter than mat and rand combined, Perrin is the captain of the cauthor ship ngl, WoT Characters Are Bad At Communication, it's gold, seriously watch the video in the notes, so what's new really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 11:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20191873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomnia_Productions/pseuds/Insomnia_Productions
Summary: “Why did you stop talking to me? I told you, I swore I would call every day. And I would have, you know I would have.”“I knew,” Mat said softly.“And you knew I wouldn’t forget you. You must have known that.”“I knew.”“Then what was it?” His voice wavered. “You were my best friend, and you didn’t even say goodbye.”//Or: three times Rand watches Mat ice skate, and one time they skate together





	Death Of A Bachelor

**Author's Note:**

> Watch the video!!
> 
> https://spacefairytale.tumblr.com/post/155129762579/just-press-play-and-unmute-this-you-will-thank-me

  1. ** Age 10**

Footsteps muffled by mounds of fresh snow, Rand crept towards the pond. It was not easy, staying hidden when you were this tall, with hair that stuck out like a small flame in the ice, but Rand did his best, ducking behind trees and staying close to the ground. He couldn’t be seen. He _ must not _be seen. He wasn’t allowed to be here, and if his parents, if his mother found out… Rand shook his head, banishing the thought, and returned his attention to the pond. He could see it clearly now. The ice had been smooth two days ago. That was when it first froze over. Now, though, it was riddled with thin scratches and tracks of figure-eights. Rand could hear the high slicing sound of more tracks being formed. It was getting louder. Rand dropped down, out of sight, as Mat came into view. 

He was going very fast, faster than before, faster than Rand would ever dare. He was trying to do something—Rand could see it in his narrowed eyes, in the way he had scrunched up his nose, like he always did when he was trying something new and scary. There were wet patches all over his clothes. Rand thought he must have tried already, and fallen many times. He held his breath as Mat whipped past. The bauble on his hat swung violently, and Rand found his gaze trapped on it for a moment. Then, without warning, Mat leapt up, off the ice, into the air. Rand stopped breathing. He could only watch as Mat turned once in a full circle, eyes blown wide with triumph and panic, before gravity kicked into action. Mat’s skates crashed back onto the ice. He spun, sliding backwards, wobbled, and then, twisting sideways, skidded to a stop. 

“Wow…” Rand whispered, and then clamped a hand over his mouth. It was too late. Mat had seen him. 

Mat’s whole face lit up, and he dashed across the ice towards Rand. Rand had only a moment to blink before his best friend crashed into him, his momentum throwing them both backwards, into the snow. Mat, because he was lucky and also The Worst, had managed to land on top of Rand; his whole body weight pressed down on Rand and he could feel himself sinking deeper into the snow. Some of it got into his coat, sliding down his neck. It was so, so cold. He began contemplating grabbing a fistful of snow and shoving it in Mat’s face. 

“Did you see that?” Mat was saying. He was trying to yell, it seemed, but he was so out of breath that what came out was a very loud whisper. “Did you see that? Didyouseeitdidyouseeitdidyouseeitdidyou—” 

“Yes!” Rand groaned. “ Now please get off me! I’m dying!” 

“Oh, sorry,” Mat said, not sounding sorry at all. He rolled himself off and crawled back onto the pond. Rand noticed that he was not wearing any gloves, as usual, and his fingers were pink. Rand’s own fingers were nice and warm inside leather gloves. They stood up, one on the pond and the other on the bank. Mat was grinning at him. 

“Come skate with me! I’ll teach you how to do that.” 

Rand shook his head. “No way! My mother would kill me. I’m not even supposed to be talking to you right now.” 

A brief look of consternation crossed Mat’s face. “Because of Sunday?”

  
  
“Because of Sunday.” 

They had been skating together and Mat, in all his wisdom, had grabbed Rand’s hands and started spinning him around. Only, he had lost his grip right in the middle, and Rand had gone flying, crashing face-first into the snow. He had twisted his ankle and his nose _ still _felt numb. He was lucky Perrin had been there to get him out. Perrin never skated; he was afraid the ice would crack. 

Mat waved his hands dismissively. “That was two days ago! You’re fine now!” 

“Yeah, but I’m still not allowed. Besides, I can’t stay long. I have to study.” 

“Study. On Christmas break.” Mat rolled his eyes. “You’re such a scholar, Rand. But, fine, you can at least stay a bit longer and watch me, right?” 

“That’s why I’m here.” He sat down on the bank and smiled up at Mat, who grinned back widely and took off. 

“I’m gonna do another spin!” 

Rand watched him speed across the ice and hugged his knees to his chest. He thought he could spend the rest of his life watching Mat skate. 

  


  1. ** Age 15**

Rand stood at the wall of the rink, watching the people on the ice. It wasn’t the same as the pond in the Two Rivers—but nothing here was the same as the Two Rivers. Caemlyn was a big city, after all, and Rand’s childhood home was a small town, at best. It wasn’t that he favored one over the other. It was just that it was Christmas, and he wanted to go home. He missed his house, his family. He missed the dust roads, the forest, the pond. He missed his old school, his teachers, his friends. Mat. 

Rand didn’t want to think about Mat. 

In his pocket, his phone buzzed. Perrin. Rand smiled. At least Perrin was still talking to him. He picked up. 

“Hey, Perrin.”

“Rand!” The voice at the other end sounded a little grainy. Signal wasn’t too great in the Two Rivers. Funny, that wasn’t something he’d have noticed just six months ago. “How are you? How’s Caemlyn? How’s Asha’man?” 

“The same as it was four days ago, Perrin,” Rand laughed. Perrin always seemed to ask the same questions, and Rand always gave the same answers: 

_ I’m okay. Caemlyn is amazing. Asha’man is incredible. _

He still couldn’t believe it. A half-scholarship to Asha’man High, a boarding school in Caemlyn hailed as the greatest high school in Andor. When the letter had arrived in the mail, he’d almost fainted. His mother really had fainted, at that. His parents still had to cover half the tuition, and Rand was working a part-time job to help them—between that, his studies, and the limitless extra programs Asha’man offered during school holidays, Rand thought he would probably spend the next four years in Caemlyn without ever going home. But, hey, silver linings: if he didn’t have to go home, he didn’t have to see Mat. The thought only blackened his mood. He returned his attention to the call. 

“How are you, Perrin? How’s—how’s everyone?” 

“I’m doing well.” There was a beat of silence. “Mat’s fine, too.”

“Oh. Good. That’s good. And the others?”

Perrin didn’t respond for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was gentle. “He misses you. Now, especially. The pond froze yesterday.”

“Oh, did it?” Rand forced the words out, trying to keep his voice level. “It must be so cold there now. It’s not that cold here. The ice rink here is artificial. I think it takes a lot of energy to maintain. They should probably shut it down. It’s not worth it. I’m there now and it’s not even half the size of the pond.” 

He was rambling. Perrin must have noticed. He hoped Perrin wouldn’t mention it. 

“You’re at the rink? Skating?”

“No, just…” Rand kicked himself for mentioning it. “Just watching.” 

“Right.” Perrin sounded sad. Why did he sound so sad? “Look, Rand, I’ve told you before, he misses you. He’s just being stupid.”

“Don’t,” Rand said softly. “Don’t, Perrin, please. Just leave it. Not today.” 

They were supposed to explore the city together, like they had talked about as children. Rand would study at Asha’man, and every holiday he would invite Mat over, and they would spend every day wandering around Caemlyn, seeing everything there was to see. It was going to be perfect. 

Rand still didn’t understand what had happened, what he had done to make Mat stop talking to him. From the day his acceptance letter had arrived, Mat had not said a single word to him, not even to say goodbye. Even when Rand had moved away… he’d thought at that point, at least, Mat would snap out of it and talk to him. But, even though Rand had texted him every day for a week, Mat had never responded. He’d kept trying in the second week—surely even Mat couldn’t hold whatever grudge this was forever, right?—but, after a month had passed with no response, Rand had stopped trying. Now, in December, it had been nearly six months since he’d last spoken to his best friend. 

Ex best friend? He’d tried saying it out loud in November; the words had felt bitter in his mouth. It was like there was a void inside him. It was like he’d lost a hand. Mat had always been at his side, since they were babies in their mothers’ arms. It was hard enough living without him, now. Just yesterday, someone had tried to jump off the dorm building, using a bedsheet as a parachute, and Rand had laughed, turning to his right to nudge Mat—only to find an empty space. The fact that he couldn’t go home and text Mat the story only made it worse. And he still didn’t know what he had done wrong. 

At least he had Perrin. 

“Rand, I’ve got to go. Master Lunhan is calling. I’ll call you again later?”

“Sure.” 

“Don’t hang around the ice rink by yourself, okay? People will think you’re weird.”

“They already do. I’ll talk to you later.” 

Perrin hesitated, not hanging up. Rand could hear Master Lunhan calling for him in the background. “I’m coming!” His voice dropped. “Listen, it’s Christmas. It’s your first Christmas alone, and his, too, in a way. If you want me to deliver a message, I’ll make sure he gets it, if I have to sit on him and hold his ears open.” 

Rand bit his lip. “I don’t think he wants to hear from me.” 

Perrin made a high, frustrated noise, like an irate puppy. “Rand, for the Light’s sake—” 

“Alright, alright! Tell him…” Rand took a breath. “Just… tell him merry christmas. And that I miss him, and I wish I were home so we could go skating on the pond.” A faint smile crossed his face. “We could trace Santa’s face on the ice, like he wanted to last year…” 

“Oh! He actually did that this morning!”

“He did?” He didn’t add, _ without me? _

Perrin must have heard it anyway. “He said he wished you could have seen it, you know, when he thought I wasn’t listening. I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true. Anyway, I’ll send you the video. It was remarkable.”

“Thanks, Perrin.” 

“It’s what I’m here for. Alright, I really need to go now. I’ll tell him your message. Bye!” The call cut off. 

Rand slid the phone back into his pocket. The sun was setting; he knew he should go back to the dorms. Some of the street lights along the way were broken, and it got dark fast around this time of year. But his feet didn’t move. _ Just a few more minutes, _ he told himself. _ I’ll watch the rink for a few more minutes, and then… _

His phone buzzed again: the video. Rand watched, unable to contain his smile, as Mat flew across the ice. His movements, once wild and messy, had grown cleaner since Rand left. Cleaner, and sharper. Rand watched him dance across the screen and tried to pretend that he was back in the Two Rivers, sitting on the bank of the pond and watching his best friend skate. It was a flimsy fantasy, and it disappeared like a friendship when the video ended. The sun set. Rand walked home in the dark. 

  


  1. ** Age 19**

That time of year again. Rand trudged down the long, straight road between his university and the center of the city, trying to avoid stepping in the muddied ice sloshing underfoot. All around him, sounds of joy and revelry charged the air. It was almost Christmas, but Rand didn’t feel like celebrating the holidays. This time of year just wasn’t a good time for him; he had accepted that by his third year of high school, and it hadn’t changed now that he was in university. He knew that he should be moving on, living his life, and he _ was _… it was just that, whenever the snow fell and puddles began to turn to ice, it would become harder than usual not to think about the Two Rivers. And Mat. 

Rand still hadn’t spoken to him. It had been _ four years, _for the Light’s sake. He should have moved on by now. Friendships came and went, and there was no use hanging on to the past. Rand knew that. Every year, he promised himself he would let go. But, with Perrin there, always happy to supply him with stories, pictures, and videos… it was so easy to forget his resolutions. It was so easy to forget that he was seeing Mat through filtered tales and urban legends, through a camera’s lens, and not still growing up beside him, like he had always planned to. He still sent messages with Perrin, sometimes. Funny stories from school, well-wishes, nostalgic memories, recommendations for books he knew Mat would never read. Perrin swore up and down that Mat listened to every message, that he often asked Perrin if there was anything new, even on the days when there wasn’t. It was nice of Perrin, Rand thought, to make such an effort. But he didn’t need to try so hard. Rand felt better just giving Perrin the messages, even if he knew Mat wouldn’t care to hear them. 

The ice rink was coming up. Rand passed it every day, walking to and from campus. He lowered his head; the way his thoughts were going, today, it would be best if he didn’t look at it. As he neared, though, he couldn’t help but notice the crowd. Rand lifted his head, turning to stare at the rink. He could barely see it; there must have been two dozen people clustered around the little rink. Some were holding their phones up, but Rand couldn’t see the screens. He walked closer. The ice rink was the domain of young mothers and little children—a cute scene, most days, but hardly worth such a large crowd. Rand pushed between the people, struggling to reach the rink. The moment he broke past the first line of people, a wave of music hit him: Death Of A Bachelor. As he neared the wall of the rink, he identified the source: a speaker rested on a plastic chair pushed up to the wall of the rink. Next to the speaker was an upturned black hat with a wide brim; Rand could see a few golden coins and green bills already inside it. He reached the rink. Resting his arms on the wall, he looked inside. 

There was only one person on the ice. A young man, no older than Rand. His clothes were out of place in Caemlyn; the cut of that green coat had gone out of fashion a few years ago, Rand recalled. He knew because he had worn a similar coat to class just three weeks ago, and had been viciously reprimanded by Elayne, who was something of an expert on these matters. Still, Rand didn’t think all this attention was because of the man’s fashion sense. He was skating in time with the music, his movements sharp and reckless. His stance was loose and carefree, but there was an unexpected element of grace to it. Rand blinked. Unexpected? An odd thought to have; he had no reason to expect anything of the man. 

Abruptly, without warning, the man leapt into a spin; the crowd aahed as he landed lightly, and a smattering of applause broke out. The man spread his arms, as though to drink in the crowd’s praise. He was facing the other way, but Rand felt sure that he was smirking. Then the man spun abruptly, gliding faster than was probably safe towards Rand’s side of the rink. Rand, like the others, leaned in to see him up close. The man reached them, turning to grin out at his crowd. His eyes met Rand’s. 

Rand saw Mat’s expression change, the grin fading as his eyes widened—but he was spinning away before Rand could see what that expression would become, and, by the time his face came into view again, the grin was back in place. The ground fell away from under Rand’s feet; the crowd disappeared, the rink, the music. There was only Mat, on the pond in the Two Rivers, trying a spin for the first time. There was Mat, dragging Rand onto the ice, going too fast, always too fast, because he lived in fast-forward and Rand wasn’t allowed to fall behind. And there was Mat, walking away with his shoulders hunched, leaving Rand on his own with an acceptance letter in his hand and the echoes of a smile still dying on his face. 

The sound of clapping swelled into the silence; the crowd returned, and the rink, and the music. Mat, frozen on the ice, dropped his pose, beaming out at his crowd. Rand felt people pressing in on all sides of him; as Mat approached the exit of the rink, Rand was swallowed by the crowd. He wriggled out of the mob and came to a stop just apart from everyone else. Even standing a head taller than the tallest people there, even when he went on his toes, it was hard to pick Mat out in the crowd. He had been engulfed by a cloud of children, each one dragging a tired mother by the finger. In snatches, between coats and scarves, Rand could see him laughing as he talked to them. Gradually, though, the crowd dispersed. Mat came back into view. He was holding his boots in one hand, pushing his hair back with the other. His eyes were scanning the area, taking note of the few remaining people still watching him. His gaze fell on Rand. He stopped. 

They stared at each other. Rand could feel the remaining people watching them, and felt his face heat. He thought about stepping forward, closing the distance between them, but his feet were rooted and the air felt charged, and Mat was the one who had walked away—so he stayed put. Waiting. 

Mat shuffled on his feet, eyes flitting this way and that. He had never been able to stand still for long. Abruptly, eyes to the left of Rand’s shoulder, he took a small step forward. And then another, and another, until he was just a few steps away. He looked at Rand. 

At the same time, they said, “What are you doing here?” 

Mat shut his mouth, and Rand knew that look on his face, the same look he’d been putting on since he was five years old and Wit Congar had asked which hooligan had stolen his entire stained-glass window, so he answered first. “I go to university nearby.” Mat nodded. Silence stretched between them again. Now beginning to shuffle his own feet, Rand prompted, “What about you?”

Mat lifted one shoulder and let it drop. “I got tired of being stuck at home. Figured I’d travel to the city, see what would happen.” Quickly, he added, “I only chose Caemlyn ‘cause it’s the capital. It’s the obvious choice.” 

Rand felt like he was watching himself from above. Was this small talk? Was he making small talk with his ex-best friend? Rand stared at Mat. He looked the same, but… more. It was a strange thought. Everything about this was strange. The tips of Mat’s ears had gone pink; he shifted under Rand’s gaze, eyes darting from side to side. Rand felt his mouth move. 

“I missed you,” he blurted. “A lot.” 

Mat coughed. The pink traveled down, covering both of his ears. “I…” He glanced at Rand, then away, then back again. “I… aahhh, Light, I missed you too. A lot. Too.” 

Rand frowned. “You stopped talking to me.” 

“I know that,” Mat snapped. He whirled around and stomped to his chair. Dropping his boots, he stuffed the money in his hat into his pockets, dumping the hat and speaker on the ground. Rand walked over, unsure of what to say as Mat threw himself into the chair. Pulling his shoes on, Mat muttered, “I was going to text you back, you know.” 

Rand raised his eyebrows. _ Going to…? _But it was dangerous to interrupt Mat when he got like this. Rand kept quiet and waited for him to continue. 

“I was _ going _ to,” Mat repeated, starting on the next shoe. “It’s just that I… well, I was angry, you know, so for the first few days I didn’t write back, and then… then a week had passed and I was like, fuck, I can’t write back now… and then it was two weeks, and three, and then it was a month and I just… couldn’t do it.” Both shoes were on now. Mat studied them, fingers twisting together. “I told myself, if you called, I would pick up. But I guess, by then, you’d gotten tired of my shit.” Looking like there was an anchor attached to his chin, he lifted his head to look at Rand. “So, yeah. I didn’t mean to, but. You know me.” It should have been followed by that trademark grin, but no grin came.

“That’s stupid,” Rand told him. “You’re stupid. I thought… I thought you hated me.” 

Mat shook his head. He looked at his hands. “I’m stupid.” 

He stood up. Pulling a backpack from under the chair, Mat stuffed his things in and hefted it over his shoulder. Very quietly, he said, “I really liked hearing your messages, though. From Perrin. And the stories he told me, from you. Felt like you were still there.’’ 

Rand smiled. “I liked hearing the stories Perrin told me about you. And all the videos he sent. It felt like we were still together.” 

Mat, finally meeting his eyes, smiled back. “Perrin is smarter than both of us.” 

“Yeah.”

“Did he tell you he has a girlfriend now? A proper long-term relationship? Can you believe that?” 

“I know! And before me…” 

“Before me, too…” 

Mat gave a mournful laugh, and Rand laughed with him, and it was so familiar and foreign that Rand’s chest hurt. Before he could chicken out, he asked, “Why did you stop talking to me?” Mat fell silent, his shoulders falling. “I don’t understand why you were so angry. I told you, I swore I would call every day. And I would have, you know I would have.” 

“I knew,” Mat said softly. 

“And you knew I wouldn’t forget you. You must have known that.” 

“I knew.” 

“Then what was it? Why were you so angry?” His voice wavered. “You were my best friend, and you didn’t even say goodbye.”

Mat was silent for a long time, and Rand was beginning to think he would never get an answer, when he suddenly spoke. “I wasn’t angry, exactly. I was just…” He trailed off, tried again. “I…” 

“What?”

Mat shuffled on his feet, resettled his bag on his shoulder, looked at Rand. Then he took a step forward, went up on his toes, and pressed a soft kiss to Rand’s lips. He was stepping back again before Rand could blink, and his whole face was dusted pink. 

All other functions shut down as Rand’s brain attempted to process this. This was Mat, his childhood best friend, his partner in crime, his bad influence. This was Mat, and yet, looking at him now, Rand didn’t know how he hadn’t seen it before. His brain kicked into action, whirring, analyzing. He had never thought of Mat that way before, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to forgive all those years of silence. But it was over-thinking that had gotten them into this mess in the first place, so he blocked all of that out and went with what instinct told him. He kissed Mat, and it felt like falling into place. 

Light, he hoped those people weren’t still watching. 

  


**+1 Age 20**

“Mat, slow down, for the Light—!” 

Mat laughs, the sound filling the air. “Don’t be such a chicken, Rand,” he teases. “Light, you’re bad at this.” 

“I know! That’s why you need to slow down!” 

They’re wobbling their way towards the center of the pond. On the bank, Perrin is sitting with a video camera and a stack of books. Now, at last, he has someone to keep him company away from the ice—Loial, Rand’s friend from university, sits beside him, face buried in a book twice the size of his head. Perrin, his own face obscured by the camera, waves them on. 

“Hurry up!” he calls. 

“I’m trying!” Mat hollers back, and tugs on Rand’s hands. “Come on, come on! You’re so slow!” 

“Mat, seriously, we don’t need to do this. I was only joking, I’m not that upset about it…” 

“But I want to do it with you!” Mat insists. “I wanted to, then, and now we finally have the chance, so let’s go!” But he slows down slightly, and falls into line with Rand, linking their arms. “Look, I’ll hold onto you the whole time. It’s so easy. Ready?” He looks at Rand expectantly. 

Rand sighs. “Ready.” 

It’s worth it when Mat’s face lights up, a broad grin stretching his face from ear to ear. “All right! Let’s make a Santa!” 

He takes off along the ice, dragging Rand with him, at a speed that should frankly be illegal. Rand thinks he might die today, but, arm in arm with Mat in the woods of their childhood, his lover’s maniacal laughter loud in his ears… it’s not such a bad way to go. 

**Author's Note:**

> Watch the video!! 
> 
> https://spacefairytale.tumblr.com/post/155129762579/just-press-play-and-unmute-this-you-will-thank-me
> 
> I watched this 14 times in a row and then wrote this entire thing in one sitting  
instead of writing my college supplements oop-


End file.
